18 Months Old on the 29th!

It feels so weird to write this, because we are 6 months away from having an actual 2-year-old “little boy”… what?!! Entering into the official toddler months/years has been the most fun and rewarding phase thus far. Don’t get me wrong – newborns are adorable, and crawling babies are fascinating, but I think Nick and I both agree that having a walking, talking, parrot in our house is the absolute BEST!! He literally learns multiple new things every single day. Let me try and capture a few of these things I’m talking about:

The first and funniest place to start is with Moana. Most of you already know this from my Facebook posts and snapchats… but to say that Harvey is obsessed with Moana is an understatement. He asks to watch it every morning. He wakes up, snuggles, asks for milk, and then immediately asks for “Nonnana.” He knows the words, smiles while he sits there and watches it, and he even… wait for it… SINGS THE SONGS!! He knows that Moana is supposed to help Maui “restore the harp (heart).” When we try to put on other cartoons, he will not accept substitutes for his true love, Moana. We might have to incorporate this obsession into our Halloween costume plans…

Some other things that I’m really loving these days are all the questions he asks on a daily basis. And all of the matter-of-fact type statements. He says things like, “Can I have that? What is that? What is this?” and the super cute things like, “I want this”, “I need this”, “I want some mulp (milk)”, “I want a boop (book).” He loves to talk about the different body parts he knows – he will point out his feet, nose, ears, eyes, belly button, etc. I would say the thing that we laugh at the most, and we probably shouldn’t laugh at… is the S word. Here’s the funny part – we don’t think he’s actually saying sh**… he is saying “sit” as in “sit down” because that’s what we tell him every time he comes to the top of the stairs, but it definitely sounds like the bad word! And I think we encourage it when we giggle at him. 🙂

He is very pleased with himself recently, especially when it comes to climbing, running, and exploring. He goes up and down the stairs with ease, climbs on the couch and treats it like a trampoline park, and loves finding sticks and rocks on the ground wherever he goes. He likes to throw balls with daddy (future athlete maybe). At night, when we ask for kisses, he does a “kissing contest” with us, where he goes back and forth between the two of us, to see who will give him kisses the longest! It is the sweetest thing, and definitely makes me feel loved. One other thing I would like to add (before I forget) is that right now we are going through what I hope is a short-lived phase of waking up SUPER early. I am not exactly sure why it is happening… but sometimes he will get up as early as 4:00 AM… and it is basically torture for us, especially because he’s been sleeping from 7:30 PM to 5:30 AM for a solid year now. Fingers crossed that this does not last!!!

Update on me: for those of you who don’t know, I’ve decided to run the Bull City Half Marathon on October 22nd! This has been one of the best decisions I’ve made for personal reasons in a long, long time. I FEEL AMAZING. Like, I wake up every day, and feel good about my health and my body. A few months ago, I had an annual check-up, and it didn’t go super great. I was a bit overweight, my blood pressure was really high, I fainted when they took my blood, and honestly, I just wasn’t feeling that well on a day-to-day basis (headaches, fatigue). I realized that I couldn’t keep using my family/personal stress as an excuse and I decided to change it up a bit with exercise and smarter dietary habits, and I’m so glad that I did. My blood pressure is normal, my weight is normal, I am in shape for the first time in 5 years, and I feel like my overall “heart happiness” is at an all-time high. For the first time since I found out I was pregnant, and had a big revelation there, I feel like an average 28-year-old woman who thinks about her health in the long-term more than her eating disorder in the short-term. It is pretty incredible how physical exercise (conducted in a safe way) can open the pathway to better mental health. Wish me luck as I continue to train over the next few weeks!

What else is new you might ask? Well, we are having some housework done which is exciting and stressful at the same time. We got new doors, new gutters, had the house painted, and we are getting new columns in the front – so stay tuned for updates with that! I do have to say that I am extremely grateful to have Nick around for things like this. He is very good at paying attention to detail and being assertive when it comes to paying people for the quality of work they are doing. When it comes to things like this, I am the brains behind the idea and the design, and then he is the paperwork and “muscle”, if you will. Speaking of Nick, for those of you who don’t know, he got a promotion at work (which is fantastic) and that comes with a lot of new stress and responsibility for him. I am so proud of all his hard work, and his ability to balance that work life with dad life. He remains the most wonderful daddy to Harvey – taking care of him each morning when I go to school early, and he is the reason the wheels of our family and life keep turning. I would be lying if I said our busy work and family lives didn’t take a toll on our “relationship life”… I mean, come on right? It’s hard to find time to go on a date night and to be nice to each other (all of the time) when everybody is stressed – but we make it work (most of the time) and I am grateful for his love and support.

That’s all for now – I will check back in when our house work is done! Until next time… Truth. Love. Honesty. ❤

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Harvey and Luke having lunch at Picnic!

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Aunt Amanda came to visit Harvey and Annabelle!

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Harvey having lunch at Pop’s house – thumbs up!

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Harvey is 14 Months Old!

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It’s been a very fun two months for us here in Durham since Harvey’s first birthday. I feel like he is turning into a little boy right in front of our eyes, and there is nothing I can do to stop time in its tracks! He picks up new words and mannerisms daily, and has really turned in to quite the comedian. By that I mean, he really will sit in front of a group and try to make them laugh! He has several faces, giggles, and “fake laughs” that he will try, as well as a new “surprised face” he will pull out when he’s feeling extra funny. I feel as if writing these memories down is the only way I can hang on to these moments. New ones come in every single day, and I want to remember what he did and when he did it!

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The language and speech acquisition is the most incredible thing to me. Harvey now has 30+ words that Nick and I can recognize, as well as his daycare provider and our close family. His new words (in addition to the ones he’s been saying for months) include: please, nana (banana), Pop, Lolli, Papa (as in Papa G), he’s working on Mimi (sounds like mm mm), milk, book, up, stop, Harvey (sounds like “ee ee”), Elliot (sounds like Ellie), poop… and honestly, he has a lot more, I just can’t think of them right now! He will repeat anything you say to him – he said “Bye, Lindsay” this morning at daycare! (I know you all think this is impossible, but truly… he says it clear as day). I think the most exciting part for me is that he actually understands these words. He listens to “no” and “stop” and says “thank you” quite frequently when we give him things. He says “hi” to any person who walks in the room, and knows when to say “bye bye” to people before they say it to him.

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I know every parent thinks this about their own child, but to us… he is brilliant. He LOVES books. He will sit in your lap and listen to a story, while pointing to the pictures. He even takes the book into his own hands and practices “reading” it to us. I expected my child to be bright… but I did not expect him to be putting two words together at 14 months!! We are working on body parts these days, and he can correctly identify “nose” and “belly button”, which is adorable. It is only a matter of time before the questions about life, the world, and all sorts of random things start rolling in. Nick says he can’t wait to answer them, so when we were at Costco last weekend, I started testing him, ha – I asked a series of “two-year-old questions” so that he could start brushing up on his skills. 🙂

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Harvey’s other new activities include climbing stairs, pointing, running, headstands, and getting into EVERYTHING he can find. He has five teeth, weighs 24 pounds and is around 31 inches long. He has jumped to the 85% for length, and remains on the 75% growth curve for weight. What a healthy boy! Other than the occasional ear infection, we continue to feel blessed with good health and a smart baby. He likes to play in his little blue pool, ride his red tricycle around the neighborhood, and really just play outside any chance he can get. Oh, and he loves to unload/load the dishwasher. He even dropped a plate on the floor the other week, and when it broke, he was very upset!! Now that soccer season is over, I get to spend more afternoon time with him, which I truly cherish. I go in to pick him up, and he flashes his big smile at me and says, “hi, mama!”… my heart bursts every time. He then asks for a “hug” and throws his body into my arms. I can’t wait for summer with him!! We are going to the beach, to Camp Mikell, and to Colorado. In addition to these fun trips, he will get to spend a lot of time with family and friends, and new babies in our life. How did we get so lucky? ❤

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Ode to the New Mamas in My Life

Last year I wrote a blogpost to the mothers in my life that I look up to. I loved having the opportunity to express my gratitude and admiration for them, because they are the reasons that I know anything about being a mom. I think I want to make this a tradition, because I could never write enough words to express all of the feelings I have about motherhood and my dear friends and family who raise such beautiful children.  This year, with a little more than a year of motherhood under my belt, I have an opportunity to write a letter to my friends who became mothers for the first time over the past few months. I have been blessed to know each of these women as friends, and now I am even more blessed to raise my baby alongside theirs.

Marissa, the moment I met Theo at the hospital for the first time, I burst into tears. You remember, don’t you? I flat out sobbed!! I think that seeing your new little bundle of joy, fresh out of the oven, was so overwhelming for me because it brought me right back to those same feelings and emotions I had in the hospital with Harvey. You have been rocking this motherhood thing, and I want you to know how much I have enjoyed our friendship throughout this process. I look forward to our stroller walks so very much, and truly love how comfortable I am discussing “new mom things” with you. I think you deserve an award for all of the hours you’ve spent listening to me talk about leaky boobs and diaper rash, haha!  I love all of the advice and hints you’ve shared with me these past few months, and I can’t wait to see the friendship between our boys grow. Also, just in case you haven’t been told recently, you are a freaking badass for buying a house, giving birth, raising a newborn, and GETTING YOUR DOCTORATE all in the same year!! Theo and Patrick are lucky to have you, lady! ❤

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Lindsay, a memory that will stick with me forever is the picture I saw of you smiling right before you went in the O.R. to have Luke. I think I love this image so much because it sums up your personality and mothering skills all in one frame. You make it look easy, girl. Right from the start, things didn’t happen the way you had planned, but it didn’t phase you one bit. You jumped right in to motherhood, head first, and I don’t quite know if Luke will ever understand what your dedication and hard work has done for him in these early months of his life. I love how much you shower my child with affirmations and sweetness, and how much you pour yourself into your work at Duke. It takes a special kind of woman to do the work that you do, and yet, your heart overflows with kindness for your family and friends after a day at the hospital. How do you do it?!! When I walk through the door at Rochelle’s I LOVE seeing your boy’s squishy face, and I think to myself every single time how grateful I feel that Harvey and Luke get to spend their days together. I look up to you so much, and I hope that you have a beautiful first Mother’s Day! ❤

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Jenn, the day Annabelle was born, I was too excited to work. In fact, I took the day off to get out my nervous excitement by cleaning your house and organizing your closet (the way I used to when we were in college)! I couldn’t stop crying all day! As I drove to Duke Regional last week, tears streamed down my face the entire way… MY BEST FRIEND JUST HAD A BABY!!! You are in the newest phase of life with your sweet baby girl, and I wish I could bottle these moments up for you because they go so fast. The way she smells now, and noises she makes now, the way her diapers don’t stink yet… it is over in the blink of an eye! I know you are going to soak it up! Also, you deserve a trophy after that incredible labor and delivery…27 hours, and a 9lb4oz baby is nothing to sneeze at! You are a week into it, and you’re already an amazing mama. When I think of the strong women in my life, you are at the top of the list. I think of you now when I hear this quote, “To the strong women in our life: May we know them, May we be them, May we raise them”! Also, the thought of getting to see little AB at Rochelle’s every day brings a smile to my face! The boys can’t wait! ❤

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Mamas, this is what we do. We lift each other up and let each other know that we are all in this together. You all deserve the best mother’s day ever, as do all the moms out there! I look up to you all in so many ways, and I am honored to call you my friends! xoxo

One Day at a Time, Step 9

This is the piece that I wrote for my Listen To Your Mother audition, and was honored to have been selected to share it with you all on stage last week! Thank you to all of my family and friends who came to support me! ❤

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Most women know that when they have their first child, the relationship they have with their own mother is going to change. Some women complain about the unwanted “advice” their moms give them, and some women are grateful for the time their moms take to help them with a newborn baby. Overall, I think I speak for most ladies when I say that the bond created between a mother and a daughter after childbirth is one unlike any other. To understand what it means to love another human life more than you love your own, and to understand what your mother went through to have you, well… that feeling is indescribable unless you’ve lived it.

For me, things were a little bit different. The day my son was born, I did not only become a mother, I became a daughter. Of course, yes, I’ve always been a daughter, but not in the traditional sense. In fact, I had already been a mother for quite some time if you want to know the honest truth. I was a mother to my brothers long before I was a mother to my own baby. My mother and I had more of a “friend to friend” relationship when I was a teenager and young adult, rather than a mother/daughter one… which is what it can be like to be the child of an alcoholic.

I learned to “mother” my siblings very well when I was in high school. I would take my two younger brothers to soccer practices, I would pack their lunches, and I would sign their parent permission slips. I would schedule their doctors and dentist appointments, make sure they had a ride home from a friend’s house, and keep the grocery lists up-to-date. I even filled out one of my brothers’ college applications! These weren’t really things that bothered me at the time because I truly didn’t know anything different. I knew my parents were loving, and I knew they were proud of me.

The first time my mom said “I am an alcoholic” out loud, I was a sophomore in college. Among some other very drastic life changes that included my parents getting a divorce, she told us that she was going to 12-step meetings. I was so happy with this news. Finally, I was going to get my mom back. I even went over to the local tattoo shop in Chapel Hill and put “One Day” on my wrist as a reminder of that feeling. But, by the time I came home for Thanksgiving break, she had fallen off the wagon for the first time, and my feelings of frustration, resentment, and sadness were growing. My mom was in pain, and I was in pain, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to cure it or to control it.

After going to treatment a few times, and continuing to build her support network in the recovery program, I could slowly see my mom coming back to me. The ways in which her alcoholism affected my life were deeper than I had realized at first, and would continue to be for a long time. When she first started talking to me about working the 12 steps, and who she needed to make amends to, I wasn’t ready for it. The day she asked for my forgiveness, I said all of the right words, but I wasn’t ready to give it. I think I was afraid that she would let me down again, that this time wouldn’t stick. Today, my mom has been sober for 6 years, 9 months, and 20 days, (not that anyone is counting!) and she has been a Mimi for a little more than a year.  I am grateful for every single second.

When Harvey was born, my mom came to Chapel Hill for the occasion. I was hesitant to ask her at first, because I just wasn’t sure how it was going to go. I had never done the whole “pushing a baby out” thing, and I didn’t know what kind of mojo I would need in the room. As it turns out, in the heat of the moment, I wanted my mom there.

I needed her support and nursing skills, and I think that having her with me while my baby entered this world was one of the single most significant events that either one of us has ever experienced. She has been the sweetest Mimi in the world, and Harvey is going to grow up knowing her for who she really is: a warm, loving, smart, and caring woman who has a heart that’s bigger than this room.

Now that I have my own child, and I have officially entered the newest chapter of my life, I feel ready to accept my mom’s amends. I feel like we have had an opportunity to start over, and I know not everybody gets one of those. I feel a renewed strength in our relationship and our ability to bond over my child. There is a new truth to the way we interact with each other.  I do not regret my life up to this point, you see, I would not be the teacher, coach, wife, mama, or friend that I am today if it weren’t for my experiences thus far.  If it weren’t for my mom and her new sense of self through sobriety, I wouldn’t understand the concept of beauty within our imperfections. I know that in her heart of hearts, my mom has loved me and wanted the best for me my entire life. The “Big Book” describes Step Nine as follows: “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,” it says, “we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.”  The day I became a mother, I also became a daughter. The day I became a mother, I forgave my own mother. The day I became a mother, I also gained a mother.

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Here are some pictures from the show! 🙂

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And Just Like That… My Baby is One

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In 8 short days, Harvey will turn 1. It has been a whirlwind of a year. Wow, that’s an understatement! I distinctly remember a soccer mom telling me this time last spring that I would blink my eyes and Harvey would be graduating from high school. I knew she was right, and I smiled and nodded when she said these words… but, holy crap!!! We are 1/18 of the way there and I swear to the Goddess I don’t know how the time has flown. There are so many sweet, sweet memories that I feel I cannot soak up enough, and I don’t know why I’ve been so focused on this recently… but Harvey doesn’t smell like a baby anymore, but rather, a little boy, and I can’t keep myself from reminiscing and crying over that lost scent!!! However, I wanted to commemorate his first year with my top five favorite things/memories from the past 12 months. Here goes nothing…

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  1. Co-Sleeping. We technically did what they call “bed-sharing” for the first five months of Harvey’s life… and a little beyond (we still sneak a few mornings here and there). This means he slept in the bed with us! Yes, right in between us. We never planned to do this, it just sort of happened that way, and as a result, the memories we have of sleeping in the bed together will stick with me for a lifetime. Once we realized that we liked co-sleeping, we obviously researched it extensively, and found out that while it is a “heated” topic and one that is heavily debated, it can be done safely and effectively (meaning, Nick and I haven’t had one sleep-deprived night). Yes, I am serious. We are lucky, Harvey is a good sleeper and that part helps, it also helps that he loved/loves the boob… and that’s basically what co-sleeping is (or breast-sleeping as we came to call it). Sometimes I am so happy that he now sleeps through the night in his own crib, and sometimes I miss waking up next to him and his toothless grin. Every now and then, when he wakes up on Saturday/Sunday mornings, I will go get him and bring him into bed with us, so that he can nurse and fall back to sleep. I lay there watching him snore next to me and count my many blessings.
  2. Breastfeeding. So, I just have to say that I will be forever grateful that we made this happen. I tried not to get my hopes up before he was born, because I know this is really, really… really hard for some mamas. But, I knew it was something I wanted to try, and would be fortunate enough to have some time to devote to it because I didn’t have to go back to work until he was five months old. If it weren’t for the incredible lactation consultants at the Birth Center, as well as the amazing LC’s who work at UNC, we wouldn’t have made it through those first few weeks. Breastfeeding takes practice, and although we picked it up really quickly, it can be difficult to keep it up. When I went back to work, maintaining my milk supply was a struggle. I cried over it… more than once. I also know that we had it better than most, and I’m thankful for that. Being able to breastfeed him made our bond that much stronger. It also made life extremely convenient for our family, who likes to be on the move. We have traveled extensively with Harvey (flying to Philly, Seattle, Arkansas… driving to Ohio, Virginia, Georgia) and it would have been more difficult to do if I couldn’t just plop my boob in his mouth when he was hungry. The fact that Nick was so supportive and helpful with both eating and sleeping stuff was crucial. Now that Harvey hardly ever nurses anymore, and is actually drinking whole milk, I truly hope that I will be able to breastfeed (and breast-sleep) with my next baby because I’ve loved every single minute!
  3. Family dinners at the table. This is something we will keep doing, because Nick and I feel very strongly about having dinner as a family every single night. We both grew up in houses that allowed us to do this whenever possible (extra-curricular activities can occasionally get in the way) and we knew we wanted the same for our kids. Watching Harvey learn how to eat is the best homemade entertainment I can think of. I mean… he’s obsessed with food. His eyes light up when he knows he’s about to eat something, and the BLW (baby-led weaning) process is one that I HIGHLY recommend to parents. BLW teaches them how to pick things up, what different textures feel like, how to process new tastes and smells at their own pace… and the most important part, how to eat at the table with the rest of the family. I have carved a special place in my brain for all of the “first” foods we gave him, and how he looked and acted when he ate them. Some of the dinner table conversations we have had as a family of 3 during his first year are ones that will stick with me for a lifetime.
  4. The first “real” kiss. When Harvey was around seven/eight months our bedtime routine was becoming more and more sweet each night. And then, one night out of the blue, he leaned in and kissed me when I squeezed him and said “I love you.” I swear, I could have died happy right then and there. It made my heart MELT, and now when he kisses me, I try to make it last longer and longer, haha!
  5. Harvey pooping on the floor when he was almost eleven months old. This one is a more recent memory, and one that made me laugh so hard I peed a little bit in my pants! First of all, our mornings in general are so funny to me. I wake up around 5:15 AM and hop right in the shower. When I get out, Harvey is usually still sleeping, so I start to dry my hair and drink coffee. When I’m done with this he’s typically awake, so I get him from his room, bring him in bed and nurse him. When he’s done eating, I get him dressed for the day. Nick **tries** to read the paper during all of this and the older he’s gotten, the harder this part has become. He is wiggly. He likes to squirm around, so most mornings, I just let him roam around our room naked while I finish getting ready for school. A little more than a month ago, I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom while Harv was trying to open some cabinets and drawers, and I heard him making his “poop sounds.” So, I look over, and sure enough, he was holding on to the drawer handle, straining, and a big ole’ poop was on the ground. I immediately cracked up and called Nick over to see, and as he tried to get his phone out to take a picture of the hilarity, Harvey stepped in it!!!!

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I also wanted to give y’all an update on me. Having a baby is not all roses and rainbows, and although it is the single most amazing thing I will ever accomplish, my mind and body have paid some tolls. As a woman who recovers daily from an eating disorder, the body image stuff is tough. I will never look the same. Yes, I’ve lost the weight, but women who’ve been here know it is not all about that. It has been one year since Harvey was born, and I still have dozens of stretch-mark scars. They are silver now, not purple, but I don’t think I’ll ever wear a bikini again. Not a real big deal, but definitely something we don’t always talk about, you know? The other part is that my body feels different, too. It’s not a “bad” different… just a “new” kind of different. Also… nursing a baby for 12 months can do a number on your ta-tas… woo wee! These are all things I just wanted to throw out there, for the other mamas who think it is just them… I am here to tell you it is not! You will develop your own new sense of “normal” and you might have to work at “falling in love” with that new body, that new person, that new life.

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What’s new in the world of being a working mom you might ask? Well…let me start by saying this: If I were given the choice to do it differently, I wouldn’t. Yes, even if I had a million dollars and the ability to stay home, without money worries, I wouldn’t. I was a teacher before I was a mother, and that does not mean that being a mother has to come “second.” Some really good advice I got from my Aunt Molly was that we can “be both” and that’s okay! I love teaching, and I love coaching, and I love Harvey and I love my family. Now, with all of that being said, each day is different and can bring its own struggles and hurdles. There are DEFINITELY days when I go to bed feeling like I let somebody down. Sometimes, it’s my husband, sometimes its my child, sometimes its my students or my players. Some days, I feel like I did a good job at everything, and some days I feel like I did a mediocre job with everything. Those days are the hardest. However, I continue to live my life with a huge sense of fulfillment and joy, and the fact that Harvey comes with me to soccer games, and we can spend time together that way, is super fun, and my soccer girls love him dearly. Professional update: I will be halfway done with my National Board Certification at the end of the school year! Woo hoo!

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There are a few people I would like to give a quick shout out to, because during Harvey’s first year, he has gotten sick at daycare a few times. His daycare is also closed occasionally, and they are not always teacher workdays for me. If it weren’t for my amazing husband (and his incredible job), I would be in the negative for sick days. Yes, I’ve been able to take a few, but Nick has really been the one who leaves work and gets Harvey when he needs to come home early. In addition to our amazing village of friends, grandparents, soccer player babysitters, etc., Nick’s parents (Lolli and Pop) have been our go-to this soccer season. Pop is now retired, and when Harvey’s daycare is unavailable, he spends the day with nug. I truly don’t know how people do it when they don’t have family help. If it weren’t for Pop and the time he gets to spend with Harv, we wouldn’t be able to swing it most days. Watching the two of them interact is priceless.

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Anywho, back to this little boy of mine! Harvey has developed his own little personality. He has 4 teeth (that we brush at bedtime), is around 30 inches long, and weighs 23 lbs.  He is a really funny baby! He waves and says “bye” along with signing “more” and “all done.” He can say “up”, “dada”, “mama”, “more”, “stop”, “ball”, and “dog.” He is also, officially, walking a few steps here and there!!! He now has a baby cousin, too! My brother and his girlfriend welcomed Knox Ripley Cade on the 8th, and we’ve been down to visit them a few times! Our good friend, Martha Gibson, took some photos of Harvey last weekend to commemorate his birthday… and if y’all are looking for a portrait photographer, her work is amazing!! ❤

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I will write a separate post about Harvey’s 1st Birthday Party soon because I want to include mostly pictures of that awesome day! We can’t wait to celebrate with our family and friends!

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9 1/2 Months with Harvey

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Well… it’s been a while since I’ve written a post! Two reasons for that – one being that teaching and working and coaching and mama-ing have been keeping me really busy this winter, and the other being my lack of motivation to write anything down after the election and its repercussions in my life and in this country. However, time heals most wounds and I have found my sense of self, my sense of courage, and my sense of responsibility and duty to my community and to my family again – hence I am in the writing mood today! My mom is coming up this weekend to attend the Women’s March in Raleigh with me, and I cannot wait to get out there and start mobilizing NC!

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Anyway… back to Harvey. He is almost 10 months old, and I’ve started thinking about his first birthday party already. This is so crazy to say, but he has officially been outside of my body for as long as he was inside of it!!! WHAT??!!! I don’t understand where the time has gone, and honestly I’ve been a bit sad thinking about him growing up too fast recently. He has really started to change at a fast pace, and I have days where I don’t want him to grow up anymore. I think that part of it has to do with the fact that he has pretty much lost all interest in nursing. He will nurse in the morning as soon as he wakes up, and sometimes before bed, but its more for comfort than anything. I have already cried my tears over it, and the day that he officially stops will be hard for me. My mother-in-law has told me about the last time she nursed her last baby, and how she took a moment to close her eyes and savor the memory… and I have a feeling that day is coming up on me quickly.  I have loved every single moment of our breastfeeding journey together, and truly hope that my next baby nurses as well as he did.

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Aside from all of that – Harvey continues to be the light of my life. He laughs and smiles all the time, pulls up on every single piece of furniture and/or person in the house, eats everything he can get his hands on, and is drinking from a sippy cup/straw. He has been working on standing a bit on his own, and the speed of his crawl has picked up, a LOT. Now that he is mobile, we have to keep an eye on him for sure. He has had some bumps and bruises along the way, and I’m sure we are in for a lot more of those while he officially learns to walk. Watching him play with his toys and listen to books is some of my favorite entertainment. My absolute favorite thing is his bedtime routine. After dinner, I give him a bath, and then take him to his room so that I can play him his nighttime song (Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings singing “Sweet Tooth”) and do his “grooming”. He LOVES to be groomed. He lays there, still and sweet, while I clip his nails, brush his hair, and rub lotion into his perfect skin. I do a little massage with it, and he stares at me with the deepest, most loving eyes in the whole entire world, and I swear I get teary-eyed most nights because I just don’t understand how I got so lucky. Right before I lay him in his crib, I give him a kiss and he has started to kiss back sometimes. He then lays his head on my shoulder to give me a hug, and I can promise you that my last moment on this earth will someday involve the memory I have carved of this event in my heart and in my mind. Woowee, I really need time to slow down!

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The other really cool thing about Harvey these days is that he sleeps through the night, in his own bed. Although I was sad to move him out of our bed, having our evenings back has really given Nick and I the chance to bond again – in a way we hadn’t realized we were missing! We can actually sit on the couch and enjoy some TV or reading time. I look forward to our family time as a tripod, but I also really look forward to that time on the couch with just the two of us. We recently watched a movie called, “The Lobster” and I will spare you the strange details about its synopsis (although I do recommend the movie to people), but there were two take-aways from it that I thought were funny: 1. Children are given to couples to help strengthen their relationships (in the movie) and for us, that has been 100% true. I love who we are as parents and partners. 2. If Nick were to go blind in a world where people are required to have partners who are exactly like them… I would go blind too so that we could be together forever ❤

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Upcoming News: I am currently writing/editing a piece that I am submitting for the Raleigh “Listen To Your Mother” performance this May. I went last year for the first time, and was blown away by the stories of motherhood that brave women can tell, and I decided to give it a go! My audition is in a few weeks, and I will keep y’all posted on whether or not I’m selected! I will post my essay either way for you all to read.

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My First 3 Shawnee DIY’s

One of my favorite feelings is the feeling I get when I finish a project. Since moving in to Shawnee Street, Nick and I have completed a few, but there are 3 in particular I thought I would share. Our home was built in 1955, and has a very unique mid-century modern, split-level design… so I naturally began to run with that theme when decorating. When we bought our new house, I knew that the large amount of exposed brick was something I would want to “remedy” as quickly as possible. Although brick can be a very classic look, I felt that it was a bit outdated for our taste, and I had a strong desire to soften the color, as well as bring out the natural texture. So, the perfect solution for us was to “white-wash” the walls and fireplaces!

Before moving in, we had several rooms professionally painted, and we had the hardwoods re-finished as well. The previous home owners had already painted a few of the brick walls within the house. They are completely covered in a white, semi-gloss finish, and I like the way they look. However, I did not want to mimic that exact look on the rest of the brick in the house, so I went with a few different options. In the kitchen and living room, I used a very special type of paint called “milk paint” which is just a powder that you mix with water. It is designed to let the brick “breathe” and preserve the integrity of the clay. It took me about 5 hours to paint this mixture on both fireplaces, and I am pretty obsessed with the final product. Eventually, we will add a floating mantel to the fireplace in the kitchen. I’m thinking a big, thick piece of re-claimed wood will do the trick! Here are the before and afters:

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Downstairs, there were two very large brick walls that gave the room a “dungeon” feel to me. I HATED them. Luckily, Nick has patience with me when I get the “itch” to fix something, and he let me complete this project over the weekend, and even hung the curtains for me (which required drilling into brick… not easy). Initially, I thought I would paint these walls a solid white, but once I began the priming process, I actually really enjoyed the basic washed look on them as well. So, it turns out, they just have 1 coat of water-based white primer on them. Here is the before and after:

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Overall, these projects were not too difficult to complete, and I am happy to answer any questions about how we did them! I am definitely feeling pretty accomplished right now 🙂