Well, this week I discovered that there is an app for being pregnant! Crazy, right? The reason I came across the app is because I have been googling nonstop. Apparently, if you google enough pregnancy questions, you are a great candidate for the BabyCenter “My Pregnancy” app.
This week has gone by slow. I want to fast forward and get out of the “danger zone” so to speak. By that I mean, I want to be out of the first trimester because I am anxious about the “security” of the pregnancy. There are all kinds of risks when you’re barely pregnant… like losing the baby… and I just want so badly to be on the other side of that.
It is actually (and sadly) hard for me to enjoy the whole experience right now. Especially since my boobs hurt really badly, I feel nauseous every day from around 4 to 5 pm (the same exact time I am supposed to have my shit together and coach soccer), and the worst f***ing thing of all… I can’t take baths. One of the things that has consistently been a go-to relaxation technique for me – like, from the time I was a little girl – is to take a steaming hot bath. Well, now I can’t do that because it is dangerous for the baby. Oh, and by the way, have I mentioned that I can’t drink?
I know it seems like I am complaining right now, and I promise you that I’m not. I’m just ready to “be in the clear.” And the funny part is… as a parent, I don’t think I will ever feel that feeling again. I also want to share these feelings with somebody else… and I can’t. It’s still a big freaking secret. The only people who know are my best friend and Nick’s parents. Sharing the details of my day consists of talking to Nick about how badly my boobs hurt and how sick I feel, and then having him tell me to get out of the bath because its “too hot.” We also can’t agree on how to or where to make a nursery.
Point of the story… reality is setting in. I hope that I did not convey negativity in this post… just my fear and anxiety. It’s hard, and I just want to meet this little human growing inside my body (which is the size of a lentil today).